5 Days In The Hole

She spent 5 days locked in a room with a crackho' and if you can beat that you got better thangs to do.

She (the 'ho) was like a black crow shuffling along in her wheel chair. Eyes blazing, teeth blacked out.

"My foot... Oh.... my FOOT. It hurts. Nurse!"

She was basically a squatter. They tried to discharge her, but she refused to sign. Smart little crackie, that one. Listen to her work her shit. Phone ringing, people comin' and goin'... all hunched over that Whitman candy box.

All the while she (the 'ho) was eatin' the food takin' the "free" drugs and all layin' up in that bed.

And there she was (not the 'ho) layin' right next to her havin' that pretty liquid gold shot into her veins every four hours. The nice tidy legal way.

Until it all went to shit. The blood and fluid splattered everywhere it was over ...and she was done.

DONE.

Done with the crazy crackhead. Done with the evil nurses and their little drug pushing carts.

Hearing the cries ring out day and night for drugs. Up and down the halls...

Nurse... NURSE! Bring me my meds. It hurts. Can't you see I am dyin' in here?

Young and old alike. Addicted within 2 days. For that sweet beautiful relief. Where all you can do is lie in bed, wait for food and get high nice and easy.

Nothin' else to do.

Except listen to the crackie operate. She was one smooth operator too. Musta been rather pretty back in the day. Makes you wonder what happened. Then again... you already know.

Shucking and jiving just trying to stay alive.

...if you wanna call that living.

Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right...

My pussy Kia has puked up a hairball on my bed once again. He is a cave dwelling asshole that gets way too much face time.

In my face.

Hey? You. Get offa my cloud.

Should I join Facebook?

I've been *so* resisting it. That impulse. Like so many others. It just simply burns me up inside.

At times, I give in... I put the (those) comma's where they don't belong. Because, I, Don't, Know, Any, Better.

Musta been stoned that day. Although I don't care much for the weed. It's way too organic and reminds me of Kate Gosselin. Whom I have a close and personal relationship with. In her mind. STFU. And take another Valium. Which I have zero time for ...as that is a "chick" drug and I am a total Frat Boy at heart. Totally.

Hey. You. Vegas On Fire. We cannot comment since you changed your template. Maybe that was intentional, due to that rabid stalker you had. I noticed.

So... I am not going to type type type like a fat little pigeon right now. What will that resolve? And I won't even mention vodka or fucking in this post.

I am constantly looking over my shoulder. Until it is daylight. Then the shadows run away.

Sometimes. All the time. I feel like my head is ripping in half. And what remains is a pound of flesh. This I willingly give to you.

I've been going through some things.

Okay, maybe...

I let you drive because rainy days make me nervous
...and I don't do parking garages or one way streets.
I could have used you when they tried to bleed me dry that day
and I had to wait, like an hour to give it all away
as I sat wondering...
should I have left a trail of breadcrumbs to help me find my way?

but...
it's true. I've let you do so much more to me than I've let anyone else.
I've given it all away to you.
and...
you've went where no man has went before and lived to tell the tail.
Yes. Tail.
Soyousay I let you bury your face between my legs and you just make me...
me...
And I make you too.
And I licksuck you everywhere you want and I wish. I have my way with you.
You love it.
I love it more.
And really what more is there to say?
Well....

Just one more thing. Just a small thing.

Do not even think of touching my Ped Egg.
It's personal.

I know you understand.

Baby chicks and all of that.

Mental illness is the new black...

I read this one girl's blog. No. No one you'd know. Anyway everytime I see she's updated in the bloglines (fuck I love bloglines) I just know what it's gonna be. She is always all like,

...oooohhhh I am soooo mentallllly ill. I do a serious eye roll and I say that mantra in my head

boohooiamsomentallyill

Then I simply cannot stop myself ...I have to go read her blahblahblah. And it makes me think. What the fuck is your problem? Why you got the fucking crazies so bad bitch? What hides behind that botoxed brow of yours?

Hold on. I need a shot of vodka. What? It's not even 9am? Well, fuck you. Hair of the dog and all that.

brb

Had to add a shot of sunny d. Early. Way too.

Now where was I?

Yeah. So...

Fuck her.

You and me baby ain't nuthin' but mammals...

Let's make a fucking list, shall we?
First off...

1. I loved the invitation to the "cool kids" club but I just cannot hang. Those bitches and dudes spit mean palabras and my um, er... grammer is lacking.

Obviously.

2. Magazine People! Take those fucking cards OUT of magazines. If I want to order that shit I will call you.

3. If your phone doesn't ring, it's me.

4. 184/131 ain't cool.

5. I refuse to give up the vodka. Moderation.

6. Moderation? What the fuck is that?

7. Hey you two grown fucking "MEN". Stop sitting around clucking like 2 hens in a hen house. You should know better.

8. Hey Bitch. I know you're my "best friend" but don't get all bitchy after a drink or two. I will put you in your place. Guaranteed. Chill.

9. Hey, drunk guy that likes to call the cops on his drunk wife? Being a "veteran of the U. S. of A." is no fucking excuse. You dish it out let her beat your ass back down. Then I gotta listen to THAT drama.

10. I can still rub one out in 30 seconds.

That said I'd still hit it.

The blood and semen streamed down her legs mixing and mingling with the water, swirling down the drain, running out of her like everything else always did, she could just let it go. Letting go was the best thing she'd ever done. It was so easy to let it slip away, slip through her fingers. Sure, it scratched and clawed and left some marks, nothing too bloody or lasting. Totally worth it though. Worth the freedom of having empty hands.

So, like...

you ever go to a party in a house that was dusty dirty musty and moldy? And yet the people there were all like,

...so snotty? Yeah. As if, right?

Nah? Me neither...

And you are thinking you just want to kill Sponge Bob Square Pants. But you squash that impulse.

But I got off on the coolcool dog that helped unwrap those gifts. You know the ones? those guilty gifts?

from:

iamsorryiamalousymomthatpassesoutintheparkinglotbutheyhereissomeshit4u...

blargh...

And I just text message the dude that hooks you up 'cause

...as soon as you are outta there you are gonna need some extra special care even if you gotta chase it down town.

and drive all night just to get back home.

I got no time for this and that.

Or dis n dat.

Holla.

Now this is the kind of thing I like to find on the interwebs. You know you want to click on it.

GO!

So darksided.

GOD DAMN IT

...this shit is hard

fuck me.

So. Like.

When you put up that tired old post all about how you are taking the blog private.

It is.

So like,

...a little pity party. For yourself. Party of one.

Because you just need to see a response. How many? Sad, pathetic commentors still want to hang. Hang with the likes of you?

But guess what?

I ain't your Bitch

...don't hang your shit on me.

And I don't participate in that kind of random, calculated masturbation.

Because I am just passing through. Pass you. Past you. Passed you by. By you, above you....

I won't be stayin' long.

Now, the other night I lay sleeping,
and I woke from a terrible dream.

'Cause you know me.... If I am sleeping then I'm dreaming

...and drinking. Swallowing you whole. Filling myself up inside. And leaving you empty.

I like to drink alone.

And you know when I drink alone, I prefer to be by myself.

I'm safe

Up high

Nothing can touch me

But why do I feel this party's over?

No pain

Inside

You're like perfection

But how do I feel this good sober?

Goddammit...

PEOPLE.

Just fucking eat. EAT. Today.

I do not want to hear a mutha fucking thang about low fat gravy. Fat free stuffing.

Fuck that.

I would like to actually hear my arteries clog today. That's what I am planning on.

And you know what?

Goddammit.

I never say that. Out loud. No reason. Just like to type it.

It's not like God is reading this blog. Or even listening, right? Or looking. Or seeing all those things I do. Or say. Or think.

I like to type a lot of things, I would never say... It's kinda like the scurvy. Or a really nasty rash. It just spreads. But if you leave it alone... well, it might just go away.

But I have no plans on that.

And...

goddammit

I got that fucking feeling again.

Oh, YOu know the one.

The one that burns me up inside. And every time I reach that comfort level

....I have to raise the stakes. So, so,

...high.

And then I have to pull it back. Goddammit. What a fucking

...process

And I ask myself, why?

WHY?

Do I continue to do this? ...why?

Because I like it.

And I like you. And YOu. And hell, goddammit, yes, yes, yes. Even you.

Yes. You.

Come wreck me. Crash into me. I want to feel it. And I won't call you on that shit. You know. That unnecessary roughness. In fact,

....I kinda like it.

Sometimes that's what it takes. What it takes to make me feel. You feelin' me?

I just want some good fucking. Yes. A good slamming fuck. And some kisses. You know the kind.

The oral persuasion type. You do it perfectly.

showmeshowmeshowme

howyoudothattricktheonethatmakesmescreamshesaid

So, so perfectly. Just... everso perfect.

And that is why I am so trulymadlydeeply. Well, for that and some other stuff.

Sex? Is that what I was talk(type)ing about?

Alas. This is not to be. My uterus is otherwise engaged at this moment. It's busy. Off doing other things. Important cleansing rituals. I like to just leave well enough alone. I figure, fuck it. It knows what it's doing. And it has always been good to me. All well and good.

What was that? Oh. wait a minute.

.

.

.

.

.

What was that? Did you hear that? Did you feel it?

A goose just walked over my grave.

A grey one.

That bastard. Not gonna let that bastard get away with that shit. Nope. No way. I will chase that goddamn fucker down and make him feel. Feel me... And what if it's a her? That grey, grey goose. With feathers so, so soft and pluckable. And if you blow, blow everso gently, they part. And you can see all the hidden things. Yes. Well...

.....I can make her feel good too.

But first I will drown her. Hold her down and under. Kill her softly in that spicysweet red stuff. And I will name her Mary. Bloody Mary. And she will be my BFF. She doesn't know this yet. Not a clue. But I do. And really, she doesn't have a choice. Not much say in the matter. It's all up to me and I'm leaving it up to you.

I'm not gonna crack.

Go on now. Walk out the door.

Nobody get's in to see the Wizard. No how. No way.

Just get the fuck outta here.

Your asdf shit can suck it. I mean, really what does that mean anyway? I am not impressed. You wanna know what impresses me? Do you? Okay I'll tell you.

Understand. Read my fucking mind. Get that shit. Down pat. Eat a fruit salad and shit me a pie. Now that will impress me.

Oh, and you? Reading about Catherine the Great and King Arthur does not tingle my clit. YAWN... Nor does that strange white spot on the front of your tooth. What is up with that? So distracting. You find yourself *so* photogenic that you snap off all those contrived "candid" shots and really, all I can focus on is your double chin, weird white half tooth and the fact that you and your new hubby are going to grow old, fat and discontent in about 5 years

...give or take.

Oh and the really gross one. The one I have given up on commenting to? I just have to laugh. And laugh. She is all.... oh boo hoo I am so jealous of the really OLD guy I am divorcing... he has a new slut (younger than she is ?) all up in her biz... so funny. I have to just lol.... Isn't that what she wanted? She should be happy. Just fade off into the sunset with your fat gross sloppy "new" man and be happy that you have him ....and that he is willing (and able) to still go down on you. And still has the eyesight to pick off all that crusty Charmin lodged in those cracks and crevices.
Hmm.... let's see who else?

I been reading my dear old friend B&G for so many years. He is now on fire in Vegas. Such a hottie for a "gay" guy. I have my doubts. Of course that could be just wishful thinking as he is perfection in a hot toddy and talks of going under a sculptor's knife. I say leave well enough alone.

Oh, YES! That skanky gummy dancer has left the building and to be honest, I have forgotten all about her until this very moment. But, we all know the story there. She has hooked her star to another gay man. Such is life. And HIV.

Which reminds me. I have not heard from the obsessed crazy closeted gay man. Not since I threatened to slap his ass with a restraining order. And I meant that shit. In fact, one more email and he will have a visit from the authorities. Drag him out of his "job". Question him about his.... um, er, family matters. Because as you all know...

the Bunny don't play. She don't fuck around.

Unless it's in the bedroom. I know you know I can come in 30 seconds but I love it when you let me linger. Let me play. With myself.

While you watch. I simply cannot stand it. The pleasure. The wetness. You said I tasted so good. And I know. You did too. You can fuck me. Fuck me until I am breathless. But I love that tongue. Inside of me and out. Making the rounds. You know me so well. And I know you want me to come. But I want it to go on. And on. Because there is nothing better than you. Going down on me. And I wanna make it last. As long as I can. I was so, SO swollen. I could barely find it myself.

But you always do. Yes. There. Right there.

Yes. I am off to the freezer for a shot of Grey Goose. It's the only way to go.

Until next time, bitches. Eat, drink and fuck. Go out there and get yours. If you don't I will.

This is my dog.


He has a few issues.

Just like me.

And just like you.

Fucking priceless....



Laugh out loud.

What the hell?

I have a mortgage. And a family.



This is one old, old man still living in the past.
Blah, blah, blah.



I, for one, am living in the here and NOW.




So....

I am willing to take that chance. The one that speaks to me.

Ch-ch-ch-changes...

See ya Oct. 2

Get ready. Set. Go.

P.S
Russia/Georgia?

Suck it.

(Baaaa) ....rock out with your cock out.

There once was a man named Mort
Whose dick was incredibly short
When he climbed into bed
His lady friend said
"That's not a dick it's a wart"

Ha!!!

Everyone knows.

No secret.

M
@ndy


Now that is one rough looking chubby bitch right there.

With a cheap, white fake-ass satiny shirt (bought at Ross) stretched across those saggin' sloppy hangin' tits. And YOu know I hate those saggy baggy thangs.

Oops...

Did I say that?

Naw.

Someone else just pointed me in the that direction.

Goddammit.

I was so hoping your ass would have been blown away by Ike. Never to be heard from again.

But no

....you continue to stalk and harass me from the www.

You are a cryingfuckingshame

...to your Latino family.

And if they knew what a cocksuck you were. Are. Actual fact. Maybe they should find out?

Check it double deck it then wreck it.

...text msg that shit encrusted booty call. Ram it all up inside where the sun don't shine. But God can still see you. He sees and....

Trust.

He is keeping tabs on that gay ass shit.

So you can slide that cock in and out of his mouth and call out for your momma. Or mami. Or maybe for your papi. Daddy give it to me good.

But that is enough about you. You know who you are. Disgusting piece of shit. Big man, ugly and pockmarked ....hiding behind your keyboard.

Run. Run as fast as you can gingerbread man. Can you out run that STD? The one that stays with you. Forever and ever ...amen?
For life. And all that Jazz.

I am.

Just one step behind you.

Just like me.

Nothing like you.

Ach-choo!
God Bless.

75% is perfect bullshit. They see right thru you and that lou-who calls you out. I had to laugh. Or lol, to be a tad less eloquent.

You need to lie better. Or at least think it through. 'Cause some of us are smarter than you.

Ain't that right, Double D's?

And you? That mask? Makes you look sort of special

...in a wetawded sort of way. Kinda cross-eyed , slack jawed and big lipped.

Oh and you? My God. That boy looks just like his daddy. Just like him. That has got to rankle you. And him.

And the other? The night time hell? Well, you brought that on yourself. Should have nipped that shit right in the bud.

Speaking of...

I have a whole other sort of crazy chasing me around. I'll call it the Texas Inquisition. Oh the tangled web that we weave. And that web? It catches the scummy and eats them alive. Never to be heard from again. Amen and "God Bless" to that.

Is it true that everything is bigger in Texas? Awesome. Because this whole thing is way bigger than you are. In fact... I've heard that things are kinda small there in one pair of pants. Or rather, I hear it's smaller than the average bear and oddly shaped. No wonder. That poor thing just wants to be....

um, it just wants to be....

sucked on by another dude. But that's not gay or anything.

I promise, I'll never tell. No worries.

Hey ya'll... thanks for all the info. I know YOu know what I mean. You know I get off on it.

Speaking of...

guess I'll go rub one out. Real quick like.

Because that's what she says to keep them reading. Reading while she quietly dies inside.

Out in the barnyard:

Oh, hai der... meet my sons.

Gibby here is a chip off the old block. Spittin' image of the old man. Poor guy, even got my tiny little dick.

And this is Chucker. Lucky for him, he takes after his ma.

...Oh, does your mom have a big cock?

Nah, but her Daddy does.

When I woke up this morning, I felt like this...

Thankfully, I didn't look like this.

Well, my hair did, actually.

I can't lie.

Striking a suicidal pose.

A mess in a beaded dress

...but she was glorious.

I watched a mosquito buzz around me.

Tentative ....yet almost frantic

trying to find that spot.

The exact, right spot to light upon

....my bare skin.

My soft-tender and tanned skin. Golden from the summer. Brown and lush and full of life.

It lands. That blood-sucker of life.

And through drowsy, whiskey laden eyes

...I watch.

As it drinks it's fill. Full of lust and life and it's stomach blood-red. Full of me. My life and death. Held inside it's body.

Visible to the naked eye.

Throbbing and crimson.

Then...

with a wanton slap ...I end it all.

For the mosquito and for myself.

It's thirst quenched along with my satisfaction and retaliation....

Well...

we were

...satisfied.

And,

I wish the same for you.

I don't want to be

Anything

other than what I've been trying to be lately

All

I have to do

Is think of me

and I have peace of mind

I might like you better if we slept together...

....don't you?

Now we all know you elaborate. Embellish.

But when you said you have DD's? I about pissed myself.

Honey those are not even close to a single digit D.

These are doubles.



Nice.

Dirk Diggler,

I think I love you.

Be Ready....


Set.
Go!

I have flying monkeys.....



And I am not afraid to use them.

Bitten and smitten

Gawd.

I need some new links ovah there.

If you are sleeping then you're dreaming....

I could use some new Bitches.

I promise to play real nice and I don't bite. At least not at first.

tsk tsk

yes... mmm...

i gather it may be misconstrued as kinda harsh. but you just never know.... you never know....

when you lash out at someone. an unknown someone just passing by...
what kind of backlash you may get.

and yes... all apologies for all that nastiness. i know you already feel really really badly about yourself without any help. it shows and i need not have pointed it out. the obvious and painful self loathing that leads a sad poor, pathetic girl down that path. used and abused in the name of love. lust.

....you know.... all that poor self esteem and all that.

so don't feel badly for my wrath.

feel bad for who you are.

....or feel good for the moment. or just lie to yourself.

makes no difference to me.

I think the clock is slow

....I don't feel tardy

Ya know what?

Ya'll disgust me. Just fucking disgust me.

Can I sit in "judgement" of ya'll? Hell yes.

Because unlike what you fucked up slutty, skanky people may assume. I got it goin' on.

Not only do I look good. My tits are fabulous. I have a great career and a well hung husband that caters to my every wish and desire. Oh and guess what? He doesn't send me out to fuck and suck off other guys. Why? because he is man enough for me. And if some of you GAY, cock sucking assholes would realize that your woman is good enough?

Well.. then the world would be a better place.

Yeah.

I guess you can tell I don't favor the wife swapping, dick sucking, disease spreading lifestyle that some of you fucked up people embrace. And I have to wonder how fucked up your child hoods were. Because that's what us "normal" people think when we run across the likes of you.

So? Why am I still reading? ONE FUCKING BLOG? Because I had a tiny glimmer of hope that one of those fucked up dysfunctional people was actually going to get it together. But nope. Not a chance.

She has hooked her star to a freakin' loser of all losers. I am the mighty Jaded Bunny foreseer and I see disaster on the horizon.

I am also Jaded the optimist and I usually hope for the best.

LOL. Not. Gonna. Happen.

So, go ahead and tell yourselves that I don't have a life. And that I need a little excitement. And that my tits are not fabulous.

But first take a long hard look in the mirror. Take a long hard look at your fucked up life.

And remember me. Jaded Bunny. I got it goin' on.

And it's my birthday today.

I am loved.

I'll bet today is happier for me than your whole entire life has been.

Pea Shout.

Blogger 101

Just a little blogging etiquette for you classless ones out there.

Blogs. Written for the masses or the chosen few.

Comments. Left for the blog author. Others may read them but they are meant for the blogger.

Comments are not for random skanky people to select a portion and try to pick a fight.

Hello? I wasn't talking to you.

In fact, I don't lower myself to speak to cum dumpsters.

I will most certainly take a swipe back at ya....
Just hope I didn't catch anything.

Jesus H. Christ

I have never. Never before in my entire life seen such ugly tits. My god. I actually shuddered, then I felt sick. You know how they say I threw up a little in my mouth? Well, I actually puked.

Now don't get me wrong. I loves me some boobs. Oh yes. I can appreciate a nice rack, just like the next gal.

But. Gah. The horror of those.

I cannot even describe the fugliness that I saw when I clicked on the "Photos" at the top of the page.

Okay. Well... maybe I will try.

Big but not in a good way. And sloppy, saggy, propped and tied. And wounded. Someone has a bit of self hatred going on there. Allowing that.

And the very worst part? The truly ghastly thing? The nipples were not only on the bottom they were as big as the entire bottom half!

Wow.
I have never seen anything like that.

And the owner of those freakish atrocities actually photographed them. Several times. And chose to share.

Amazing.

Nice cum shot too by the way. I thought you caught all of those in your mouth.

Oops! You missed one.

Gimme shelter...



If you live in a glass house don't be throwing rocks at me.

Of course mama'll help to build the wall.

Or help to slam the door.

Makes no difference to me.

And obviously none to you.

So...

nothing new here.

Cancel my subscription, I don't want any more of those issues.

Let's make a list, shall we?

1. Cabo Wabo tastes just like bug spray, but that didn't stop me.

2. That tongue lashing you gave me was amazing... but that does not make you King of the World.

3. Instead of smoking ciggy's, drinking coffee and watching tv all day why don't you get up off your lazy ass and clean your house for a change? It fucking stinks.

4. It's kinda cool to see someone get hit by a truck on you tube. It is not very cool to see it happen right in front of your eyes. See it, hear it. Listen to the screaming. Watch the bleeding.

5. You are supposed to be my best friend? Act like it.

6. I do not understand women.

7. I know it makes you feel better. About yourself. But it is a sad and pathetic thing that you do.

8. I gotta keep feeding the monster that lives inside of me. If I don't it will take a bite out of me.

9. I am haunted by shadows and logic.

10. I lie awake at night. In the quiet, quiet darkness.... telling myself lies.

And,

...I still like to check out the hook while your DJ revolves it.

I have been so fucken sick. God. At death's door. Well, that was a little dramatic. Laryngitis. Yeah. Couldn't talk. I don't talk much anyway. I TAKE ACTION. Nope not a big talker ....not all girly like and shit. I am stealth. Before ya know it... GOTCHA. ...All those bitches... they yammer and yammer and talk about each other.... when I come in they run up to me... they say so and so blah blah... and I listen like Dr. Phil.. then I ask them... so how is that workin' for ya? Then I go home and slam a shot or three... Next thing ya know it's morning... and all my perfume bottles are racked out like a bowling strike (yeah perfume... I look girly, just don't act like it... or I guess perfume would make me smell girly... or cover up something I am trying to hide like maybe my disdain for stuff...) and then I see all my perfume bottles toppled over. Just fucking splayed out... STRIKE! And I think to myself...Fuck... how did that happen? And that is just one of the little mysteries that is my life.

YO.

This is all about you. But not YOu. And maybe you. But mostly it's about me. Because I am selfish like that.

Damn. You are a stupid stupid bitch. Why don't you just tell the truth for once? Instead of disguising those thinly veiled lies that we see straight though? Am I suppossed to believe alla that?

And do we really believe all that shit? Nah. But you do. You tell it to yourself so many times.

And thank God for spell check because right now I am fulla Bacardi 151 and I am typing with mittens on.

Because it is snowing in my head. The flakes are big and red.

Oh yes. What about that huge battle ship you have tattooed right in the center of your chest. Are you trying to disguise those big wonky fake-ass tits? Or the fact that when you let your man watch you eat pussy he will be done with you. And you can call it what you will.

God I am buzzed and like so many of youuswe... I will need to delete.

But for now I am on to bigger and better things and you?

eh.

Not so much.

It doesn't matter. Does it? It does? It don't.



I call you on the telephone my voice too rough with cigarettes.

I sometimes feel I should just go home but I'm dealing with a memory that never forgets....



I love to hear you say my name especially when you say yes


but I drunk myself blind to the sound of old T-Rex

Disjointed. Fragmented.

Fucking shattered.


You better bet your life
Or love will cut you like a knife

Best. Lyrics. Ever.

The Bunny got a little hammered last night. Fun to play in that kind of state. Went hippity hop down the bunny trail.


In the morning everything was as it should be.


And they all were happy.


Rigor mortis missed me again. But some of you

out there

...are not as lucky as me.

I'm Baaaaack.

You can stay. And you. And hey, what the fuck ...even you. Oh, and don't let me ever forget about YOu.

But you? You need to beat it. It's what you're best at anyway. Beating it. You know what they say....

Those who can't....

beat. Often.

Oh yes. YES. Yes. That's you alright.

Whack on. Whack off.

The Whacker.

That long ass page load for your myspace?

Totally not worth it.

Here's to you and yours...

Hope everyone has a Happy Holiday.

Spend it with the one(s) you love.

...if you're sleeping are you dreaming if you're dreaming are you dreaming of me?

I can't believe you actually picked me.

Seriously. That's fucked up.

Well.

So sorry to see you go-go.

Hey. You okay?

Yeah. Yeah. I am always okay. Why?

Just checking. What's new?

I have an appointment later today to get started on my davinci veneers.

(Oh. Yes. Well. That explains that.)

Hey send me any and all of your unused pain pills. You know how I am. I like to self medicate.

Ha.

And try not to bleed too much, Billy.

You're crazy.

You know it.

Bye.

...bye

Those are links.

Just links.

L
I
N
K
S

Links, you stupid fuck.

That's all.

One way to not overeat.


Unless you favor some fava beans and a nice chianti.

5 year old politicians just love this shit.

...and I just love it when grown men have to have the last word.

Kinda like a woman. In more ways than one.

"Besides, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie. "

Now that is so damn Badass.

And YOu know it.

Envy will eat you alive.

You're stupid

I'm smarting.

Yeah yeah, I want some. Yeah yeah, there is none.

Wow.

Myspace.

What a craaaazy place. I just get sucked in sometimes. Ya know?

And the photos. Oh. My. Yes.

Those.

So.

That's the guy?

THE guy?

Man.

That's him, huh? The one that dumped you via text message? But you worked that shit out, right?

Riiight.

And you were oh so devastated. It was brutal.

Bru-tahl

I spy and he looks like this dude...

A dead mother fucking ringer. 'Cept yours has hair. Albeit it is red. Firecrotch and all that jazz. Jizz.

I can see why you wanted him so badly.

Hey. At least you didn't hook up with this dude

I did.

I fucked him, sucked him. All that. But I did not let him unload in my mouth. A girl has got to draw the line somewhere.

Yup. You heard me. Now get outta here.

...and I fell asleep and dreamed

I dreamed I was in a Hollywood movie

And that I was the star of the movie

This really blew my mind, the fact that me,

an overfed, long-haired leaping gnome

should be the star of a Hollywood movie

Oh those emails. They'll get you every time. I do so love to hear from ya'll. You know.

I just have to say, for the record. If you are reading it here...

IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU

okeedokee?

I mean c'mon now.

We all know that if the shoe fits .....blah blah blah

See, the thing is. I see you..... I see through you.

So, like....

Jaded Bunny gets around. She goes hippity hop hippity hop down the bunny trail.

And once in a while she'll leave a pile of droppings disguised as a comment.

Or as a load of shit, if you will.

Doesn't mean that when she posts here it's about you, you or even YOu. It's not.

...snot.

Don't flatter yourself.

This blog is intended for the Bunny and anyone else who's feeling snarky. Any references made here are about distant and far away people, places and things.

C'mon now what fun would that be if the person who jives to Daft Punk actually stopped by?

...heh

So, if you happen to see yourself here ....look away.

Or better yet, why dontcha take a long hard look at yourself. Bet you won't like what you see.

And if you don't like what you see here get the funk out.

You are ridiculous.

That's about it.

What do I want to say here?



Let's see.



The more I read your blog the more you bug the ever loving shit out of me.



Your masturbation tales are so tired and worn out ....just like your vibrator. That poor thing.



And yes. You are such a musical expert. I love how you toss out those obscure names and criticism for the unworthy.



Because we should all be thrilled to listen to that boring shit.



Because you say so.



It would enlighten me right?



Riiiight.

I am feeling just a tad snarky and what better place to be snarky than right here? My home away from home.

Oh yes, and every time I see a picture of the two of you... I think, wow those two are only going to get so much fatter. We can see that coming.

Yes.

Alrighty then. As you were.

All apologies.

hieeeee

yah!

google chuck norris

True Story:

On December 24, 2006 at 8 o'clock in the morning, a young 14 year old boy by the name of Scott Jackson was found dead. Doctors couldn't come up with the cause of his death. His mother checked his emails to see if she could figure out what happened. Turns out he was still signed into myspace. She found he had gone to sleep after he read and didn't re post a chain letter about a little girl that kills you in your sleep with no natural cause of death. This is the bulletin he read:

My name is Jaime Heras. I'm 14 years old. I'm a murderer. I have no face. When you look at me you'll die immediately. You have 900 seconds to repost this or I will visit you tonight.

I fucking hate this shit.

It makes me want to beat your fucking head in.

Does anyone believe this?

I would like to personally place a hex on every freaking asshole idiot that sends me this crap.

I got one for ya...

Send me any more of this retarded asinine bullshit and I will kill your puppy dog.

Slowly and enjoyably.

Then I'll go visit your grandpa and molest him 'til he dies.

Then I'll go cut your brake lines.

Next I'll stick your hamster in the microwave and don't think I haven't done that before...

I'll get your fired from your job at the Waffle House

...and I will make sure that every single time you masturbate it will take 5 years off your life.

And if that is not enough for you, it'll be enough for me.

I don't like a thing about your mother,

and I,

I hate your daddy's guts too,

I don't like a thing about your sister,

no, no

'cause

I, I, I,

....think sex is overrated too

I hate you myspace.

But more than that...

I hate all the freaking retards that have to put all of that crap all up on their page and it crashes your fucking computer and
it
is
not
even
worth
it

...when that dumbass shit finally loads.

And onto more pressing de-tails...

So. Like. I see YOu.
I ain't gonna lie.
Been waiting just around the corner.
And.
I was almost over your ass.


Then, like a hard and stolen kiss that bruises your lips
...it'll last a little while.

But then again...
I'd rather masturbate.

Have a thing for armpits.

I think this is sexy....













This....


is not.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Remember kids after you light them there firecrackers, LET GO!


Now, that's gonna leave a mark.

Get A Real Job

On occasion my dog will crap on the deck. Bastard.

I noticed this enterprising lizard, parked on top of a turd, catching the flies that came for the shit.

Now that is fucking smart.

Just so you know.

I'd like to bury the hatchet

...but first I have an ax to grind.

Now how does that go?

You wish you were special.

But you're a weirdo.

Creep.

...you fucking exhaust me

1. Where did your last kiss take place & who from? My man as he walked out the door earlier.

2. Who knows a secret or two about you? I never tell my deepest darkest secrets. I have a few things that I will drag with me into the grave.

3. Four words to explain why you last threw up? Too many pain killers.

4. Have you ever burned yourself? Yes, and I hate it. And it always leaves a scar.

5. What's crazy to you? Lots of things.

6. Favorite cuss word: Fuck. I like to say it and then do it.

7. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now? Oh, I know a few disgruntled bloggers.

8. Who is your hero? My man.

9. Would you ever want to be a model? No, but I love Americas next Top Model. Just love it.

10. Who is the most experimental person you know? It used to be me. I was always up for anything. Now that I am a mother, I have chilled out.

11. Do you tell white lies? I will tell a total lie when I need to.

12. When is your next party? These days it's all about birthdays.

13. Who do you want to be with right now? My family. Husband and kids. They are all that matter to me.

14 Do you scratch when and where you want to scratch? Yes, and I pull my thong out of my crack when it needs it.

15. How do you handle a break up? My last break up was just a huge relief. Huge. I never looked back. Never once.

17. Do you know what you will wear tomorrow? Yes.

18. Last person to make you laugh? My kids.

19. Last thing you ate? A candy necklace.

20. Do u ever go a few days without changing your underwear? Never. Who does that?

21. Have you ever accidentally eaten an insect? I ate a piss ant on a dare when I was 7. It was not bad. A little bitter, but it was okay.

22. Do daddy long legs freak you out? Yes. I fucking hate spiders.

23. Have you ever cleaned up someone else's vomit? Once I moved into an apartment that was recently occupied by a bunch of frat boys. The wall by the toilet was splattered with puke. I simply painted over it.

24. Have you ever dropped food on the floor and eaten it? Yes. A piece of gum before I chewed it. I have to have gum. It's my crack.

25. Do you kiss your pets on the mouth? Nope. But I will allow a puppy to kiss my cheek. Once they turn into dogs, no way.

26. Do you talk baby talk? No. That's stupid.

27. What serial killer do you find most disturbing? Jeffery Dahmer. Fascinating. I also have a huge sexual attraction to Hannibal Lector.

28. Do you watch court tv? Sometimes.

29. Oops I erased one.

30. Do you believe plants have feelings? I think they do. In fact I hear my rose bush scream every time I snip off a bud.

31. Do you laugh at people with "bowl" haircuts? A mullet is worse and stupid. 2 different hair cuts on one head? Stuuuuupid.

32. Do you have nervous twitches? Sometimes I section out a long stand of my hair and braid it. Undo it, braid it again.

33. Are you ever purposely irritating? All the time. Especially when telemarketers call. I answer the phone yelling and nasty and all crazy talking. I have never had the same one call me twice.

34. If you could fly, where's the first place you'd go? Over the ocean. Flying low and feeling the spray on my wings.

35. Do you prefer boats or planes? I have never flown on a plane. I do like boats.

36. Love or lust? Used to be lust. Quite a lot of that.

37. One best friend or 10 acquaintances? Both.

38. Favorite food? Mexican

39. Do you believe that your first love never dies? I killed him. Well, I wished him dead. Then I realized that I never even loved him. So, I would have to say, my first real, true love is happening now. And I know without a doubt it will last forever.

40. What upcoming event are you waiting and ready for? I am ready for anything at any moment. Bring it.

41. Current smell? Lavender

42. Do you get your nails done? I do them myself and they are always "done" and looking fabulous. Short and red.

43. Most favorite person? One of my favorites, I have lots.... is a guy friend I email on myspace. He makes me laugh.

44. What was the last thing you ordered at McDonald's? I ordered a egg and cheese bagel. They gave me a steak, egg and cheese bagel. I could feel my arteries clogging as I ate it.

45. Are you an emotional person? No. Never have been. I can count the number of people who have seen me cry on one hand.

46. Do you like your name? I never did. It doesn't suit me and I have found people always call me variations of it. Most often just by the first letter.

47. Do you have plans this coming weekend? Nope. Just fun in the sun. I have a very good life. I know it.

49. Do you dance naked in your room? Not anymore, but I still sing in my car. Loudly.

50. When did your last relationship end? A long time ago. And it lasted way longer than it should have. Oh well, live and learn. It brought me to where I am today and for that I am grateful.

51. What are you listening to right now? Noggin in the background.

52. Biggest fear? Any type of harm coming to my family.

53. How long have you been a part of myspace? A year or two. I simply loathe myspace. I am "there" but in an anonymous manner.

54. Favorite place to be? Home in bed, snuggled under the comforter.

55. What are you wearing right now? T-shirt, jeans, a sports bra and a thong.

56. Are your toes painted? Always, soft baby pink.

57. Does anyone hate you? I can think of one person that might and for sure it's mutual. I haven't had contact in many years.... but I still feel the same.

58. How many people do you trust fully? Few. Very few.

59. Did you have fun doing this? I have never revealed squat about myself here on Jaded Bunny. I didn't try to be smart or witty with this quiz. Just myself. I am a person of many parts and blogs. I feel like I can be myself every where I go on the web. Just putting it all together can be a bit much. I like to keep it real.

60. Are you thinking of someone? Yes. I am.

And, does anyone know something that I'd like to know? Feel free.

Pea Shout

quit that scratchin' and gimme a beat

Oh-tay!

You know you are in the wrong place when you notice clumps of busted up hair weave in the parking lot.

....just like the Seinfeld episode where Kramer and the car salesman drove to see how far they could get on an empty tank.

Just see how far you can take it, that's me.

chocolate coated cheesecake with a cherry on top

an episode of Cheaters, not a rerun

sex before sleep.

perfect perfect world.

Shine on

those my little ponies are so goddamn cute

keep those cards and letters coming folks

it gets better and better

who knew you'd care so much

or at all

really who woulda thunk it?

such a simple little thang

a word or two tossed here or there

and yowza.


.....like i fucken care

I was eating Cheetos, drinking Kool Aid and watching anxiously for the paternity results of Anna Nicole's baby daddy.

Is that Ghetto?

Happy Easter, Bitches.

Just a private note on a public blog ;)

Hey, JV thanks for that. I replied, but it sent it back to me. You know the drill.....

Delivery to the following recipient failed permanently:


I wanted to say...

Oh, yes. The Man of many blogs. Had quite a few through the years. This one rather mundane. Then there was a "family" one... or two..... you know the "God Bless" ones... then this one...
......and two or three of the other kind. Interesting to say the very least.

See here.

The thing is.

I am in a really good place. A happy place, if you will.

I have been here, many years.

But....

It has not always been this way.

No. Not at all.

Maybe that's why I have little tolerance for the one that stays with the gay man. You know.... The Whore (self proclaimed and labeled so) and that selfish, self centered and controlling fucker. The one that was all, like, God Bless. And then, whoa.

God Bless YOU, you Bastard. And hey, good luck with that.

From the bottom of my heart.

And in the morning I unleash the gas. It is loud and long and you would never, ever think I could be capable of that.

Or this.

And.... what about the girl who wants the boy that don't want her? Then she is all boo hoo why does he diss me like that? Wah, wah....Why does he want to be with her?

Because she is not you.

Oh my and once I stumbled across that gross ass oreo shit. All middle aged and saggy. *pukes just a tad* Putting it all out there in those mundane sexual poses. Like we all ain't done that before.

What is the point in that? If I'm gonna look at "porn" I want to see some fucking action.

Ayight?

I want to see the pictures of chicks with tennis balls in their beavers and guys that sit down on huge candles. Slooooowly. I like to look at close ups. I like to watch you cum. All over me. I want to see fucking on the high beam and getting banged on the Bang Bus.

Pretend you didn't know.

I likes them pierced nipples. On girls.

I've gone wild.

I don't want to read your long drawn out comments/opinions on her site.

shutthefuckup

ayight?

I am all done here.

Feel better now?

Until next time.

I promise I won't stay away so long.

Any Questions?

You are wiping your sweet, delicate ass after taking a hellacious dump when suddenly your bracelet falls off into the bowl.

What do you do?

Girl, please.

The more I read your shit the more you look like a liar. And the more you brag and boast about your pussy and your skillz.

If you do have that shit,

you know

...the golden pussy, you ain't gotta broadcast it.

It will find it's own way.

And if you gotta tell them masturbating boyz that you suck a mean dick.

Well, then.

thesamething

And that list of names. The oh so impressive list. The same ones alla time, 'cause they are the only ones you know.

Makes you look all edge-ma-cated.

You rattle them off because it impresses you.

But,

...not me. And especially not the masturbaters.

We just want to read about your escapades.

Real and imagined.

I was walking along a path with two friends—the sun was setting—suddenly the sky turned blood red—I paused, feeling exhausted, and leaned on the fence—there was blood and tongues of fire above the blue-black fjord and the city—my friends walked on, and I stood there trembling with anxiety—and I sensed an infinite scream passing through nature.

Yeah.

Well...

I missed it.

YOu Big Meanie.

Ex Squeeze Me?

Hey now.

The Bunny is misunderstood.

And a little cynical.

And stingy with her comments.

Or lazy.

Ever so
often

...she takes her two pennies an' rubs 'em together.

Sometimes so slow and easy it'll make you cum.

Sometimes really fast. And sparks fly and well....

where there's smoke there's fire.

Then you have the fire extinguishers.
Ohyouknow the ones.
They blow and blow. But yo, sometimes that just fans the flames.

And I desire,

not for peace. Or love .....for I am abundant in that.

Overfull.

But for a clarity in your eyes. For you, and you and yes
....even you,

to see. To open your fucking eyes and breathe.

You waste your time, fritter it away. As if the hours were free, but not well spent.

I am rich beyond belief. Yet I am not above extending that wealth. To make an offering, if you will.

Or you can just starve to death. Makes no difference to me.

And, that is exactly why

I

am

sadly

mistaken.

....and yeah.

I have to agree with anonymous.

That was a stupid thing to do and now you are all wahwahwah about it.

Stuuuupid.

Oh, yes. It's not about you. Never. It's about me.

And no I ain't talking about you. Or you

...sometimes YOu

But fuck. Can't a girl just get it out?

Raise a ruckus all up in here.

I like to put a space in between. Because it ain't even close to being connected.

No connection whatsoever.

So, don't make one.

I got head from a dwarf once.

It was less than mediocre.

We're free to fly the crimson sky


The sun won't melt our wings tonight


Oh now...

Take me higher

Using the card she slips it into the slot and turns the knob. Pushing the door open, she notices it's dark, but there is a light on, way in the back. Heading for the glow, she glances at the bed. Sprawled out across the covers is a man. And not just any man. It's him.

Skirting around the edge she heads for the clock radio. Her mission is to switch on the alarm and get the hell out of there. He is not supposed to miss the early wake up call. If that alarm is not blasting at 6 a.m. he will be a no-show.

She inches close, leans over and pushes the switch. Click. At that same instant a hand grabs her wrist and she lets out a little scream.

He says "Hey now. I didn't mean to scare you..."

"Oh, it's fine... I'm on my way now." She replies calmly, but her heart is pounding.

She stands up straight as he lets go of her wrist. He slides to the edge of the bed and clicks on the lamp. The light is soft, but she blinks and so does he. His eyes are taking her in now.

"What's the hurry?" he asks. She stares at him. No answer.

Her grabs her hand again and pulls her closer. Closer, until she is standing between his legs. Looking down at him, still, she says nothing.

He drops her hand and and reaches up, around to the back of her shirt. Then slides his hands to the front cupping each of her breasts. She takes a step back. He pulls her forward, never letting go of her tits. He starts to squeeze them through her shirt. His thumbs graze her nipples and she gasps. His hands drop to her butt and he pulls her even closer. His head is down pushing against her stomach and his hands, strong and full of her ass.

Suddenly he stands up and swings her around so now she is the one sitting on the edge of the bed. He drops down to his knees before her and begins to unbutton her shirt. A long row of tiny buttons. Fumbling and in a hurry he grabs the edges and rips his way up the rest of her shirt. Buttons fly everywhere. In a single move he has her bra off and her breasts tumble out. He takes one in each hand and lowers his head. Tongue already out, he traces her nipples, they are hard and full from their sudden appearance. She buries her hands in his hair and pushes his mouth down harder onto her.

He comes up for air moving across her body to her throat. Biting into her soft skin he traces the curve with his tongue up her neck and around to her lips, then flooding her mouth. At the same time his hands find her jeans at the waist and pull at the snap. The zipper slides down and he leans back. pulling her pants off, her panties slide free at the same time.

Keeping her legs together she looks up at him. He is breathing hard and so is she. He looks down at her legs closed to him and rests his chin on her knees. Gazing into her eyes he takes his tongue and runs it between her knees. She can feel the stubble from his chin and this alone excites her.

Slowly he runs his tongue down the outside of her thigh. It trembles and she knows she cannot hold her legs together much longer. His tongue has reached her ankle, he grabs it in his hand and lifts her leg straight up in the air. He starts with his tongue at her ankle and slowly runs it down the inside of her leg to her knee. Her legs come apart and he travels the rest of the way down her thigh and then stops.

Sits back and gazes at her. Legs now open. Wide open. And waiting. He bends his head and his tongue connects solidly with her clit. A direct hit and the pleasure is instant. He starts a rhythm and it does not take long before she feels those familiar waves building. Crashing down on her beach. She can feel the tidal wave flowing, growing and before she can stop it, it moves through her. Strong and complete. She comes. Hard.

He sits up and looks at her, she is trembling, legs shaking and he stands. Drops his shorts and she gets an eyeful. This guy is big. And everyone knows bigger is better. Especially when you are as wet and hot as she is. He kneels between her legs and puts the tip of his cock into her. She moans and so does he. Slowly he slides it in. Inch by inch. All the way ...coming to rest on his elbows, his chest tight on top of hers. For a moment he stays still. And she can feel the throbbing. Of him and her. Slowly, he starts to rock. Back and forth. She is thinking that she could come again. Right now. Just from this.

The he stops. And kisses her again. Impatient she grabs his ass and sinks her nails in. Deep. Then she rakes them up his back. He groans and then starts to move. Slowly then faster. Faster. Then he is slamming into her. Hard. Fast and she is breathless. Finally she breathes, a long breath taking in air, she lets it out in a scream. He starts to moan and together they get loud.

And they fuck.

Moving faster and faster she is so hot and wet she cannot believe that he can even stay inside her. Then he stops. And begins the rocking again. Back and forth. Back and forth. She can feel those waves crashing and rolling in. Building and then she starts to come. Shaking and holding on tight. She can feel him throbbing then she feels him start to come. He is so big and so deep that she can feel it. Hot and pouring out of him. Even hotter than she is. Then they are done.

Spent.

Finally, he rolls off her and onto his side. Sleep takes him again and she slips out of the bed. Checking the alarm on the clock, she then gathers up her clothes and puts them on. Holding her button-less shirt together, walking out the door she places the do not disturb sign on the knob.